Vulnerability at it’s best

Yesterday I have posted my first article about my new relationship, and I must admit it made me feel very naked. Baring my soul like that about my love life is something that I haven’t done before, and was not planning on doing ever. It just shows how much of an impact this spirit has on my creative expressions, inspiration and last but not least my confidence to step into the world with my story. Owning up to every emotion that I experience, being vulnerable in all ways. This spirit reminds me of who I am and what woman I want to become. He shows me the way to complete self acceptance, without judgement (which often comes from self instead of others) and without expectation. Being in his presence has me feeling understood and supported. This creates a safe environment for me to express myself freely, and that is why it moves me towards writing about it ”out in the open”.

To me, a true connection is based on two souls baring every part of themselves without secrecy or┬álimitations. Opening all the way up means expressing every desire, fear and pain that is within you. I always felt a need for a connection like that, but to be honest I never really found it. Often, the souls I encountered were not ready (yet) to acces those hidden places within themselves. And if you cannot find it within yourself how are you supposed to share it with your significant other? You simply cannot. This always created a distance between me and my lovers, something that I felt very deeply and at times, I even took it as a rejection of my being. Ofcourse that caused a lot of tension in the relationships, which I’m sure had something to do with us breaking up eventually. Am I feeling regret about this right now? Not at all. I can definitely say that all of my relationships came baring gifts: great lessons that molded me into the woman I am today. I don’t even know if I would have attracted this spirit into my life right now, had I not had those experiences in the past. As I am writing this I am aware of a sense of gratitude and I honor all past relationships accordingly.

I know that I am more ready than ever to carry the responsibly that comes with such a connection. I am mature enough at this point in my life, I know what I want and who I am. Also, my level of self love is at an all time high. Do I have days where I feel like crap? YES! I am only human. But if you would compare the woman I am right now with the person I used to be, you can see I am a totally new person. Well, I might not be brand new but more so I have grown in confidence and self acceptance. The guilt and shame has been healed for the most part, and with that I have allowed myself to be true and authentic to who I really am. The video below is a video I made on April 27th 2015.

As you can hear, I talk about the relationship I was in back then and how it was the best one I had ever had. At that time it was true. I was still growing and healing, so at that point this was a great relationship for me to evolve from. What I did not realize at that time was that the relationship was still based upon fear, insecurities and wanting to ”be accepted” and ”loved”. That caused me to question MY truth and forced me to adjust. When I could not do that (because my soul simply refused) that caused a lot of friction and arguments. Looking back at it I can now see that we just were two totally different souls who were not compatible what so ever. I am not saying that today I am completely healed, nor am I taking anything away from my previous relationship. All I am doing is reflecting back to myself that I have grown the past year and that what I considered┬áto be ”the best version of me”, is not all that I will ever be. I realize now that I was still settling because a part of me did not believe in the miracle I always longed for.

”That is not realistic” or ”Relationships are hard work” are phrases I have heard all my life. To most of the people in my environment the vision I had about love and relationships in general was one based upon fairy tales. As time passed, and relationships failed, I myself slowly started doubting if this love I had envisioned really did exist. Because of my dream of becoming a mother, and me getting older, I tried to tell myself that I just had to accept that things did not always work the way that I wanted. But luckily I am not telling myself these lies anymore. Because HELL YES I still believe in love. I have always believed in love. And I can now testify to it wholeheartedly. The love I had in mind, and in heart, has manifested into this reality! This love is empowering, healing, supportive and inspiring. It makes me want to grow more, do better, experience new things and start BELIEVING in my dreams again. To be able to connect on EVERY level with another soul is so very beautiful. It just proves to me that one should NEVER give up on their vision, because God did not give you that vision for nothing. Lisa Nichols once said something like: People don’t get your vision, not because it is not possible, but because God did not give that vision to them. So it is your responsibility to not only believe in it, but to take every action in order to create that dream!

I just know that I will make sure I will put in the work to create my dream, and the most amazing part of it is that it is no longer mine only. I now get to share my dream with a spirit that not only shares the same dreams, but is also dedicated to make it happen. Together!

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Surya Tanya