It has been a few days since I last posted anything on my blog, and to be honest my week has been quite hectic to say the least. I have checked in a few times before, feeling this responsibility and need to write something, but every time I sat down to start an article my mind just got blank. This post is not about a subject or theme, and as I am writing down this I myself don’t know where I am going with this. But I feel the need to express myself in the most honest and authentic way right now so bare with my as I go with my own flow.
I have been walking around with different versions of myself through out my life. One version was the person my parents needed me to be, molded by their expectations, hopes and dreams of their daughter. The other version is what my surroundings thought I was, the girl they think they knew all so well. And then there was the real me, a girl who really did not know who she actually was and just tried to be the best version of herself she could be. I have written an article about these different me’s and my true authentic self before. (Read it here) I have been working on being the most authentic as I can possibly be and it has really worked in my favor. What I do see now is that I am not entirely there yet and I think I now know why:
Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones. – Thich Nhat Hanh
As I grew and changed I still held onto certain old patterns that where given to me by my family and my surroundings. Patterns like how your life is supposed to go, values, priorities and visions. If everyone says left is the best way to go, and you really feel in your heart you want to go right, how difficult is it to go and follow your heart? Maybe not for everyone, but for me it is very difficult. I care a lot about my loved ones and I feel it intensely when they worry about me or want something for me. Also, I really am learning now to trust my self and believe in the things I feel are right.
Deep down in our selves is a well of wisdom. This well knows exactly what to do and where to go, but because we are raised in a society that only depends on the mind and ”facts”, this well can not be accessed easily. What I mean by that is, there is a knowing inside of us that we can only access if we silence the mind, let go of all ideas of logical decision making and first ”thinking things through” before acting. If I have to look at my own patterns I see that the one thing that is still holding me back in certain ways is fear. Fear of what others might think or say, fear of the consequences of my actions and fear of trusting a ”knowing” that is based upon a feeling in my gut, instead of a mind driven conclusion.
In growing and learning we need to start trusting ourselves and our well of wisdom. Through self love we learn how to listen to our inner guide, heal ourselves and protect our spirits from negativity. Now all that I need to do right now is practice what I preach, start tuning in more and just let my well lead the way. I will not worry about the consequences any longer, because I trust that this inner guide will not lead me towards any place I am not supposed to be. Instead I will rest in the believe that I will be guided towards the place I need to be.
Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement. – Golda Meir
We know what to do and where to go in order to be happy. So let’s promise ourselves to start honoring and listening to our own truths. Do not let the expectations of others, your parents, friends or even society, influence any of your choices. Even if it means you have to stand alone, just do it. Because it is your life and your life only, and you can only live up to your own potential if you follow yourself.