But what if this feeling of guilt or however you want to call it, is nothing but a deficiency in my self-worth instead of in my actions/character?
Why can’t I pad myself on the back for trying my best, giving my all, and create a space of peace and acceptance for things just not working out, without me placing all of the blame on myself.
Yes I am responsible for my actions, but I cannot be responsible for everyone else’s NOR the outcomes of situations that don’t only include me, but also include others/other influences.
We can’t control everything and every experience is just that: another experience filled with lessons.
Even if I have the best intentions, there will always be situations where that simply is just not enough.
That is something I just have to let sink into that brain and heart of mine.
I just feel like sometimes I get so stuck into the idea of ‘who I should be’ or ‘what I should do’ or even ‘how other people want me to live my life’ that I forget to just be.
It is funny to me that I am so forgiving towards others, but lack that same empathy and understanding towards my own self.
I don’t let myself be because I keep harassing myself to do better, try harder, and be a better version of myself.
Pushing yourself to be great can be a good and motivating thing, when it’s done in a compassionate and kind way.
Talking down on yourself is not part of that.
I write about this thing called Self Love a lot and every time I think I got its essence, I realize I am not there yet.
Hidden parts of long lost pains are slowly but surely making their way towards the surface and show me their faces.
I am totally aware of the fact that these subjects are not easy for me to share, even though writing about it goes so fluently.
The reason why is exactly the whole theme of this writing in the first place: I can’t accept it as something that’s part of me.
That is also exactly why I choose to share this with you.
I am enough and I don’t need to be ashamed or feel guilty about my feelings/thoughts/believes.
So here goes my raw text straight out of my heart into the world.