Self talk: The best way to guide yourself

“Be careful how you are talking to yourself because you are listening.”

Lisa M. Hayes

Everyone has that tiny voice inside their head telling them things. Some of the things are positive but often they can get negative too. Tiny sentences like ”You can not do that” or ”It never works out for you anyway” keep repeating themselves inside your head, and after a while you are starting to believe these statements are true. As I am learning to love myself and how to be truly honest with myself, I have also started to learn the importance of self talk. I’ve always talked a little bit with myself, growing up I had imaginary friends, most of them were celebrities, and we played and talked together for hours in my room until my dad came inside and asked me who I was talking to (lol). After I hit puberty it stopped and resurfaced when I started living in a student apartment when I was 21 years old.

The first time I remember to talk to talk to myself again was during grocery shopping. I had always ”feared” going to the shop by myself, and so when I did I had to guide myself through the situation by telling myself where I had to go and what I had to buy. This happened inside my head and/or in a whispering manner. I noticed that it would help me with my anxiety and it also helped me organize my chaotic mind. When I started to live in my very first own 2 room apartment, at that time I was 23, I developed a new self talk pattern. By then I was not only talking to myself during grocery shopping, but I started to have conversations with myself while showering or just being inside my house. Growing older I had learned to really lean on myself more instead of my friends, because everyone was busy building their own lives, and I did not want to call my friends for every little thing that had happened in my life. And so I started to have the conversations I would have with my girlfriends with me. I told myself what I was thinking and going through, and then I responded to myself with an advice or something that I had noticed. You would be surprised of the effect that saying things out loud has! You finally hear your own bullshit.

“Like food is to the body, self-talk is to the mind. Don’t let any junk thoughts repeat in your head.”
Maddy Malhotra, How to Build Self-Esteem and Be Confident: Overcome Fears, Break Habits, Be Successful and Happy

Now that I am 26 I have sort of mastered the art of self talk. I know now that whenever I go through something I have to sit myself down and have a heart to heart with myself through self talk. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by emotions, doubt, fear and sadness and the only way I can stop myself is to start talking to myself. Telling myself it’s not that bad, telling myself to snap out of it, calming myself down and just asking myself to focus on the positive things. And I must say this really helps me! I have gained a lot of self knowledge and self confidence by connecting with myself on a regular basis. I now know when I say things out of fear or doubt, and I can recognize it and change my thought pattern again to something positive. That is all due to my self talk experience. Hearing your thoughts out loud disarm the power they have over you because you can now respond to it.

That I have talked to myself for years doesn’t mean that you have been doing that too! If you want to start with self talk but you don’t know how to, you can try and start using affirmations at first. I always follow Louise Hay and her beautiful and inspiring daily affirmations. Just read them out loud everyday for a few times and you will slowly see the effect is has on the way you think about your self. Maybe you’ll even come up with your own affirmations!

I would love to end this post with my own personal affirmations:

  • I nurture my soul, body and spirit through loving actions everyday.
  • I talk to myself in a kind and loving manner and accept myself completely.
  • I pursue my dreams everyday and will only focus on things that feel good to my soul.
  • I will only talk positive things and will engage in positive conversations with others.
  • I can do anything I set my mind and focus on.
  • I am the best version of myself and will only grow to be better.
  • I listen to myself and my needs and I will take care of myself with love.
  • I am amazing and I am enough. The love I have for myself is not dependent on what others think of me.


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Surya Tanya