Once you are Real you can’t be ugly

Afbeeldingsresultaat voor the velveteen rabbit

“Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’

‘Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.

‘Sometimes,’ said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. ‘When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.’

‘Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ‘or bit by bit?’

‘It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the Skin Horse. ‘You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Even though I did not grew up with this (children’s) story, I absolutely LOVE it. To me it embodies self love and authenticity to the fullest. ”Once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” And that is the entire message of self love: Becoming your true self and embracing even the ugly and hurting parts of you, that might not be understood by others, but that does not matter because YOU love yourself.

This process takes a long time, you BECOME. And it is a wild ride; you will lose your hair, might catch a scratch or two and it just won’t be all that pretty generally speaking. But once you are real noone can take that away from you. In the story it is the bunny who becomes real once the child speaks it into existence, but in our life we need to make ourselves real. We can only become real once we speak that into existence in our own lives. Once we create the room we need to embody our entire being, oAfbeeldingsresultaat voor the velveteen rabbitnce we give ourselves permission to be all that we are, we are able to become real.


For me personally, becoming is an ongoing process. To be honest every time I get somewhere, into a deeper truth, my ego steps in and think I know it all, and there is nothing left for me to understand. I overcome a challenge, dive deeper within myself, and then I’m like ”ALRIGHT! I get it now. Thank you Universe, I am done learning now.” And every single time that happens, I just fall flat on my face. Spirit guides me with some tough loving  which I totally need in order to learn a lesson. I am just very stubborn! And so that is how I keep on bumping my head against stones, some the same, other quite similar but not exactly a copy. At the end of the day I am still becoming and that is something I realize.

I am not there yet. Yes, I can give myself some pads on the shoulder for overcoming some addictive behaviors, learning how to be more selective with my friends and relationships in general, making better choices when it comes to my health et cetera et cetera. But to really become real in the full sense of the word, to be my most authentic self, I also need to get UGLY and hurt. My darkness is something that I have been hiding or covering behind light, love, peace and smiles. Yes I have written a few sentences here and there about it, but to really elaborate on it, embrace it as part of who I am and share that out in the open… that is quite a thing.

We all want to be liked, accepted, understood. Being ‘socially correct’ is something that I try to do unconsciously, even if it may seem like I am sharing all. My intention is always to share and to be open, but last week I came to the realization that the undertone of my writings is always positive, when I am not always feeling this way. I have my days where I can’t stand people, even though I always talk about peace and love. I have my moments where I couldn’t care less about my eating habits, how I spend my days, or what is going on with my friends or family. I can be very lazy, not wanting to do anything, and actually just stay in bed or hang around all day for real. Sometimes I use my charisma or words to persuade people into getting what I want. My mouth is very foul and I cuss a lot. I don’t always feel like being nice. I can be mean, especially with my words. There is a lot of anger within that I still haven’t dealt with all the way. And to become real, these traits needs to be given space first, and then I need to embrace them as part of who I am and look the world in the face and say: This is who I am. I am real, with all my flaws, all my imperfections. I have my light and my shadow. There are soft and lovable things about me, and then there are parts that are not as warm and attractive. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.

Afbeeldingsresultaat voor the velveteen rabbit

So it is alright to be who I am. I must say I am pretty excited as well to see where this will take me. There truly has been a bag lifted away from my hands. I am no longer carrying the burden of wanting to fit into ”what I should be”. With every new lesson comes a new AHA-moment where I am completely amazed and surprised by what I just found out. Some lessons might seem logical and common sense to others, but to me these new points of view are new and of great value. Guess I just started realizing how much I was lacking in self care, self love and permission to just be, once I started actually practicing it. Now that I have come to this point I know in my heart the most natural step is to start sharing my shadow more. This kind of creeps me out because it makes me even more vulnerable than I already am (telling my story to the whole world like this), but I know with time and loving patience I will get there.

Finding my balance between:

1.) Owning my whole being, standing firm in who I am, and having the courage to show my self to the world


2.) Being selective with who I share my being, my energy and my soul with

I still need to figure out what I choose to share. Intuition plays a HUGE part in what and how I choose to share. So what ever comes up serves a purpose and I trust and believe that. For now this is the REALEST I can get. I wish for you a journey filled with self love, acceptance and a light that shines on the darkness within you so that that too can become a part of who you REALLY are.



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Surya Tanya