On my way to the U.S.A.


Ok, so here I go writing my first blog post about my adventure that will lead me to New Haven CT. As I am writing this, I am sitting on a bench somewhere by a hidden gate on Toronto Pearson Airport. I just had a nerve wrecking custom boarder service experience… Ok maybe that makes it sound way worse than it was. But I was marked as someone who they had to investigate further. Me?! The scardy cat… How funny. Maybe because I seemed nervous, which I still am. I mean, in a few hours I will meet my lover and friend for the first time ever. Of course I am nervous!!!
But anyway, apart from that, the trip has been very relaxed and smooth sailing so far. Yesterday the plane ride (or is it a flight lol) was surprisingly comfortable and the time (8 hours) went by fast as hell. I wouldn’t be me if I was not very well prepared though; I figured I had to stay on the airport for 24 hours to transfer. But it turned out that I had to get my luggage and step into Canada. Sooooo I did not have a place to crash or anything. Luckily, the women at the tourist information center was very helpful and she got me a hotel room. It was not the most cheap but it was definitely worth it! I slept like a baby in a king size bed…. A bed that I want when I grow up!!! And I got to see Toronto city by night, not a lot, but at least I can say that I have!

Other than the practical side of things, emotionally I feel content. I am actually very proud of the way I am carrying myself through out it all, and that I had the balls to go through with it even! I am aware that every journey needs to be free of expectation so I am consciously deciding to keep an open mind and just let the journey take me to where ever I need to go. Lately I have been more focused on healing again, and that had its affects on my emotional and mental state. I must say that this trip has a positive influence on all of that. It’s just easier to see yourself when you’re away from the noise that daily life offers. No distractions, just clarity and TRUTH. I am starting to not only see my self but also accept my self for what and who I am. I don’t have to feel perfect in order to feel good enough. I don’t have to be understood in order for me to grasp a bit of this being that is me. For me, getting to know more and more of my being is the ultimate goal. So however the outcome of this trip, I am content and thankful that I get to embarke on such an adventure in the first place.

I do not know how I will respond when I see him, to be honest I was not even thinking about visiting him. Not because I don’t want to anymore, but because this 24 hours was for me only. It was for and about me. It was not about him. Actually, it’s been 33 hours and counting…. First I dreaded the fact that the traveling itself would take so long, but now I am seeing the value of it. These 33 hours were sacred time for me. I traveled alone, I dined alone, I explored alone, I experienced alone. I started to like myself more … Not for what I had changed about myself or my lifestyle, or for my accomplishments, no I am starting to like myself for who I am. And man I tell you, if THIS was the only reason for taking this trip I would go again! Furthermore, I am very thankful that this being crossed paths with mine. It has not been easy, but I got confronted with a lot of things that need healing. Or more so, I realized that healing is a life time journey. Where I first thought “oh yeah, I have seen a therapist I’m good now” I now see that every phase or season of our life requires a new form of healing, loving attention and guidance and protection. How they say that every level comes with a new devil is true. What’s also true is that the more you grow the more you discover that you keep on growing. That is the way life is set up, life equals growth. Stagnation equals death. That is how a lot of souls die way before they actually stop living.

So this soul heals me simply by being. This soul reflects back to me this child like innocence and hunger to learn. Since we are all one, this spirit and my spirit resemble each other like that. Logical, because that is how we attracted each other in the first place; by being on the same vibration. Level headed. Good conversations. Yes we are not perfect, we are quite messy in a sense, but that is exactly what we need. Someone to grow with. Not in a way that you grow stuck to each other, but in a way that you nourish and support each other while blooming individually. And that is exactly what I am nervous and excited about at the same time. Because in a few hours we will be physically together! The energy; how will it be? I am so curious to find out! The smells, the touch, the gazing into each others eyes face to face, heart to heart, soul to soul. That is what I want to discover, together. That is also why I am here, matter of fact THAT was the main reason why I booked my flight in the first place. To experience him completely. Well I guess to be continued…. I’m off reading a book now. ?✌

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Surya Tanya