Love should not be sacrifice

Simple Definition of sacrifice

  • : the act of giving up something that you want to keep especially in order to get or do something else or to help someone

  • : an act of killing a person or animal in a religious ceremony as an offering to please a god

  • : a person or animal that is killed in a sacrifice

Why is it that us humans think we have to sacrifice in order to love? Why cant love be unapologetic? Free? Without a sense of having to give up our own needs and desires? What creates a feeling of guilt once we choose ourselves? What makes that we tell ourselves it is selfish, not noble? I just want to know what drives us into this false belief of what love should be. Maybe I am not even writing about humanity as a whole. I don’t even know if I’m talking about a people. All I know is what I personally go through. I guess it is just ‘safer’ to hide behind a generally speaking model. That way I don’t have to show my true colors, right? Well, let me just be blunt about it. For years I have thought that I had to give up little pieces of my being, to be a “good” lover. Breaking myself into little parts of “who I was” “who I need to be” “who I cannot be any longer”. What lied underneath was a feeling of unworthiness. Not being good enough to deserve the type of love I actually wanted, or at least so I thought.

Because I felt unworthy of the love I longed for, I attracted lovers that did not love me the way I needed to love myself. In other words: because I did not love myself, I attracted relationships that were reflecting that back to me. I felt misunderstood, unheard, got cheated on, played and what ever the hell else. Long story short, I was unhappy with my self and therefore I was unhappy in my relationships. This did not only reflect back to me in romantic relationships by the way, I also had one or two back stabbing friends in my circle. As you can see, I now see these situations for what they were: Lessons I needed to learn. The Universe brought me those people so I could learn one MAJOR thing: I needed to start loving myself!

When I started my journey of self love two years ago there were still a lot of unresolved child hood issues that I needed to heal from. Because I had been (ab)using substances for over 10 years, my emotions were sedated. I did not know how to feel deeply what I was going through. This was something I had to learn from scratch. As time passed I got more and more in tune with what I was feeling. You know how they say that time heals all wounds? That is absolutely true. For me it just took a little longer because I did not give myself enough permission to take my time. Instead, I tried running away from the pain through alcohol, weed and partying. By becoming sober I gave myself the space to get in touch with my emotions again. This was the first step to getting to know my real self, and figuring out what felt right for my soul.

Back to today, my questions about love and sacrifice still remain. Do I still feel like I need to sacrifice my self in order to love someone else? No I do not. Self love is a journey that never stops, and what I know now is that it all starts within. We should be the one to take care of our selves first. We cannot expect others to do that for us. Also, we cannot forget about ourselves while trying to please everyone else either. Balance is key and I think that in order to find that we first need to find ourselves. Get to know who we are, what we want and what we need to change about ourselves to get there. Ask yourself? Who are you now? Are you proud of the person you are? What do you need to see differently in order to be more proud? How can you change that? And lastly, what steps are you WILLING and GOING to make to realize that change?

I think that the more we step into who we really are, and what we really want, the more happier we will be and naturally, the more we are able to give to others. Happiness is contagious, so the happier we are, the more happier we can make others. It all starts within. For me, this is something that I am still learning. Because I am sensitive, it is easy for me to get sucked into energies coming from others. Actually I need to really ground myself, go within to check in with myself and see what I am feeling, before interacting with others. This way, I will know where things are coming from. I am not trying to sacrifice myself any longer. In fact, I am trying to love myself more everyday. Put myself first. Make sure I am straight so that I am able to share my love, healing and abundance with the world around me. I definitely think there is a big difference between sacrificing and giving. Am I willing to give? Hell yes! I would give it all away for love. Am I willing to sacrifice? Not at all.

I will not adjust myself to other people’s expectations of me. Love should not be given to me in exchange of anything else, if I don’t receive it freely I don’t want it (and it isn’t love). My self-esteem is not measured by the likes and validations of others, therefore I don’t need to win them over. My love of self is so rich that I get to share it with others. I do not need to chose between me or another. True love lets me be my whole self without boundaries. 

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Surya Tanya