Repetitive cycles of insights, realizations volatile
Coming and going of deepening, rooting, growing, flowing free in the evolution of my being.
Repetitive cycles of words, expressions…
I wrote this a few days ago and it accurately paints the picture of my current status. It is a beautiful chaos of yet another transformation, and with this I am deepening my innerstanding of Self. I am seeing how I am continuously building and destroying, coming and going, traveling inward and outward from place to place. Leaving pieces of my Self behind with other souls as I journey forward. In this way you could say I function as a catalyst, touching souls so that they may have their own personal transformation. Although this has had me feeling lonely multiple times, thinking to myself “Why can’t it never be someone transforming me?!” I can laugh at it and see that is where my Petty Queen ego steps in and needs to get a little attention (like ALL of it lol).
What I am saying is, it’s not that deep. Simply because this whole mission was never about me, it’s about the collective and the being of service to it. Because ultimately that is what we all came here to experience; LOVE through the illusion of seperation. LOVE by knowing nothing is apart from each other, it all connects. We just kind of forgot before touching down on Earth. Luckily we are in this beautiful stage of remembering, as a collective, and I have been meeting members of my soulfamily one by one to remind me thereof. We are never alone in this, so whenever my ego starts crying like a baby again I know this is just the role the ego is suppose to play and I let it.
I guess that is also part of the growth… Knowing what to feed into and what to just “let be”. I mean, I am still a being with fluctuating energies and that is how I was built, yet I am learning more and more to not attach to what ever comes up. The less I identify with my emotions the less they take a hold of me. This way I can become the observer of the Self, which creates a whole lot of space for the Self to truly show itself and therefore allows me to go deeper, learn more an tweak where needed. Growth also means becoming more and more humbled by realizing we all ain’t shit. We just winging it until we reach this state of enlightenment which is also impermanent.
Where I used to think that this enlightenment was a final destination I now see it as yet another challenge, because once reached how will you make sure you stay in that space? They say each level has another devil and that’s exactly what I mean. It is never ending. There is always something to either deepen, strengthen, release or simply experience. So where am I now in this whole journey?
I am currently releasing my belongings because a few months ago something just ‘clicked’ within my Self. I had an epiphany that kind of sounded like “what the fuck are you doing??!!”. As a 28 year old single female I have done all that’s been expected of me. I graduated as a social worker, got a house, my drivers license and started working like a good citizen. I was the perfect slave to the system, yet these chains slowly started choking me. Bills in my face, responsibilities that I don’t want to carry, stress that is so very unnatural to a natural wombman like me (lol)….
So I just said what I say best: FUCK IT
I’m packing, selling and throwing out, and move back in with my mama!!! I mean, the last decade I have missed her presence since I moved further and further away from her anyway, and my motherwound also need work. So I figured it was a win-win-situation!
Moving back with my folks to reconnect, reground, safe up and travel the world. Spreading these pieces of my Soul unto the world like jelly on a peanutbuttersandwich (I love pbj sandwiches). Wednesday this place I have called home for a year needs to be empty and I will be roaming around town, so that I can still work and safe up, until November 1st. Then it’s back to mama before I take off to my first destination New Orleans.
As you might think already I am excited, scared, sad, happy, empowered, free and melancholic all at the same damn time!! And I will share it all through my instagram, youtube channel and this blog. If you are in New Orleans or Florida in November, December and January let me know so we could link up and build!