Hello lovely people!
As I am writing this I must say that I am in good spirits. The New Moon yesterday really has me feeling very positive about my life currently. The last few months I have been confronted with a lot of old limiting beliefs that I subconsciously held on to, blocking me from stepping into my own power. Monday coming up to the New Moon I lied wide awake at night, unable to sleep from a turmoil of emotion going through me. Mostly anger resided within me and came up to the surface to show it’s face to me. For once, I did not feel worn out because it but more so it actually empowered me to set my boundaries firm and start honoring my self more.
The last few years I have really growed into the woman I am today, with all the ups and downs that come with growth. I have battled depression, destructive patterns, that caused me to be out of balance and away from my truest self. As I started therapy two months ago, I noticed a big change since I finally became aware of the patterns that cause this emotions and thoughts to keep re-appearing in my life. I clearly see that it was me, or my subconscious mind to be exact, planting thoughts into my self that talked down on me. Telling myself I was ‘unimportant’ or ‘not good enough.’ When I lied awake two nights ago this anger appeared crystal clearly and I could finally recognize the boundaries I had not honored all of these years.
These boundaries that I obviously crossed multiple times were the reason I could keep on telling myself I was not good enough or unable to shine my brightest light. Anger therefore is not something we should avoid, but more a signal from our higher self that we need to protect and honor our boundaries more. I am now learning to be more communicative about my needs and wants, without rejecting my self beforehand. What I have actually done all these years was rejecting my own self. I created a veil or a gap in between me and all the people I so desperately wanted to connect with by this rejection. Because with me telling myself I was not important or good enough, I now also told myself that noone wanted to listen to what I was feeling or thinking. By doing so, I held in a lot of the things that I really felt or thought. The rejection of my true self then manifested within all of my relationships because of this distance I created for my self. This manifestation I then defined as a confirmation of the belief that I indeed was not important enough to realize a true connection.
Do you see what I did there? I rejected my self and I rejected all true connections because of it. The people and/or relationships that I thought were rejecting me were only a projection of the way I subconsciously thought about my self!
AHAAAA moment in 3…2…1..
Do you see how I feel so lighthearted today? I finally conquered a part of my subconscious mind that was blocking me from truly connecting for years! I am not saying that I am fully where I am supposed to be yet, because life has humbled me enough to learn that this growth never ends. But I must admit that this is definitely a HUGE step for me in the right direction. What I am now actively pursuing is more growth, by learning how to set my boundaries in a healthy and loving manner. Without screaming or crying or getting overly upset when it becomes ”just too much to bare”. I am now committing myself to be more vulnerable by opening up and sharing my boundaries with the people I want to connect with. This is also something that my subconscious mind has blocked because of the rejection it was always occupied with. I also acknowledge now that this was a way of my subconscious mind to protect my self from being truly rejected. I have taught my self this coping mechanism as a child, and I am not upset with my child self for doing that. It was the best thing to do at that time, to survive what ever she was going through. But now the time for me has come to say ‘Thank you, but I no longer need this pattern to protect me. I am open and willing to learn new ways of being.’
Better days are coming, I can sense it in the air!!! As I am sharing this I wish for you to step into your true power as well. May all false belief systems be shed and may you find your Highest Truth, what ever that may feel or look like for you. We are all growing together, to better ourselves and ultimately the world.
Love and blessings,
P.S. Here is a classic song to brighten up your day!